You crapped out, Vegas Mom.

Last night I slept so deep, I almost missed the alarm. So nice.

I went to the dentist for the first time in 5 yrs yesterday and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. My mouth is a little sore today and I was chastised for not flossing enough (my gums were swollen) but no cavities and she thinks only my bottom wisdom teeth need to be removed, not my top.

Maybe that ordeal made me extra sleepy because I usually wake up every hour paranoid that I will miss the alarm or just because I hear Peaches/Betty digging in the litter every five seconds all night long, then running around like we feed them kibble with red bull in it.

I feel inept at life. I’m just groping my way through the dark, trying to find the meaning over here.

I am not a pretty girl.

I was never a pretty girl. I will never be a pretty girl. This mattered so much when I was in HS. I was devastated. I lived the life of a not so pretty girl. I had small breast. I was not quite skinny and not quite fat. I never had shiny, pretty hair. Never had a cute little nose. I was never popular, and never will be. No one liked me, and I didn’t dress right. I was not the type of girl that people hit on or wanted to date. I had very few boyfriends, and usually they were “not pretty” people, too. When I was younger, I obsessed over this. Cried myself to sleep because I wasn’t pretty. Wished I could somehow afford plastic surgery. Starved myself for at least 2 years. Wore too much makeup, talked too much or too little. Was defensive. Said being pretty didn’t matter, even though it was everything to me.

I’m still not a pretty girl, but at some point recently (very recently, like within the last week or so) it ceased to matter to me. It just didn’t hurt me anymore. I will never look like a model or movie star. I will never be sexy, beautiful or stunning. I just won’t. I have a big nose, small eyes, short hair and I’m under 5’2”. I have big hips and a little pot belly. I used to think that all this mattered. That I could never have even a normal life if I wasn’t pretty. But I realized, coming to accept my unpretty status, that “not pretty” people like me have totally normal lives. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for four years who loves me and I love him. I have a job, a place to live, I own things, I have a pet, I bake, I cook dinner, I go for walks. I admire art, clothes, music. I think and write and do all the things that would be considered a normal life. I am neither alone nor laughed at. I am not a spinster. I’m not pointed at or whispered about or criticized. Maybe I never was, even in HS.  I realized, and came to grips with the fact that most people don’t care whether you are pretty or not. They don’t even notice you. And in embracing my relative anonymity, coming to grips with the fact that the world doesn’t revolve around me and therefore no one cares if I am pretty, I was able to accept that I don’t care if I’m not pretty.

I’m not a pretty girl, and I like it that way.

fmylife:

Today I was turned down for a job as a cashier at Best Buy. I worked like hell to get into and then graduate from one of the top Telecommunication schools in the country. I spent all my time with extracurriculars to help my resume instead of partying like my friends. I can’t even be a cashier. FML

 I graduated cum laude from a fairly good college with a degree in English. I’m a receptionist in an office.

It was brought to my attention that blogs are "vague"

theheatishere:

But I’d like to make it known that my whole spat about disliking things and getting over the past is not meant to be vague at all.

So if you’re thinking it miiiight be you, it is you. And if you “just so happened” to hear about my blog because someone else read my blog and now you’re all upset or laughing hysterically at how out of my miiiind I must be for secretly, possibly writing about you in my blog, then stop reading my blog.

There’s nothing that funny here. ( well that onion post was kinda funny… and this post was freakin hilarious). Rest assure, I’m not crazy, I’m just honest. And 25. The only crazy people I know of are the ones who are so obsessed with digging into the lives of people they dislike to see if they can poke fun of them in order to make them feel better about themselves. ( I know, that was pretty funny to say too wasn’t it? )

Let it be known, this is not a drama blog. And you may find this to be immature, but sometimes you gotta get on that basic level to be honest about some things in order to make em stop ( or I guess fuel the fire, huh? ) This post is meant specifically for two girls who need to find something better to do with their time and move on with life as it is. Please allow me to speak freely without ever having to wonder if someone will say to me “well I heard about your blog and….” I hope you both find some other amazing thing to occupy your time with. Remember, people expect you to act like adults now, not little girls who figured out to combination to the lock on a diary. Thank youuuu in advance for leaving me out of your drama talkssss. !

 amen! I can’t stand people in their 20s who act like twits still in high school. Can we leave the clique-ish drama behind, please? Just be you. Fakeness is unattractive. Be you and be honest and people will flock to you.

To "possibly" do:

Today:

Make turkey tacos for dinner with yellow rice and salad

possibly buy our christmas tree at lowe’s! (wayyy excited about this)

fix bed so that I can actually use said bed

go to bank

hang mirror and candle sconces in living room

order horizontal wall hang for guitar

watch nip/tuck while greg watches world series (go phils!)

I make all these lists knowing that I will only accomplish 1 thing off the list if I’m lucky. Good intentions are there at least.